This story recently came to my
desk from a world traveler whose identity wishes to remain secret. This is the story of a chance meeting with
the mysterious creatures of the Himalayas, the author of this account has a
remarkable story to tell.
Monsoon! Heavy, Gray clouds had been drifting northward from Calcutta for days
that June. Already early rains, warning of what was to come, had soaked
the red dust of the Himalayas. The air was clean and cool. Myriads of tiny
blue, white and yellow Potentilla has suddenly blanketed the green tundra above
the timberline. It was curious how the colors deepened as we descended the
slope. White grew highest, then yellow mixed with white and finally blue
flowers dotted the landscape farther down.
The rains weren't bad enough to
travel in, but at least they were a welcome change from the snow about 17,000
feet. Gosainkund Pass had been the last high obstacle to Kathmandu on our
return trip from the northern border of Nepal. In fact, the day before had seen
me sloshing kneed deep in the soft wet snow. I was layered head to toe with my
TAD gear. My favorite piece had always
been my Shagmaster. I knew layering
would be vital. A Himalayan blizzard is
no joke even for experienced native porters when slippery rocks and precarious
ledges must be climbed.
Black skies, torrents of rain and
foggy slippery trails on the sides of the mountains obviously held no love the
Himalayan intruders such as me. The
trail was less steep now but slick with red mud. Mossy pines closed over us and
thrust their sprawling roots across the way. Bloodthirsty leeches, lurking
under the rocks and awakened by our sounds, crawled on our boots and up the
coolies' dark nude limbs at every step. Only speed and more speed would enable
us to leave this dismal, lonely, God-forsaken range of mountains. The forest
was deathly still. Fog banks, raw and cold drifted through the tall pines and
left their boughs dripping and slimy.
Rounding a sharp turn in the
trail, I stopped abruptly. Leaning against a large rock I pulled out my
dauntless to extract a leech that was at the point of disappearing over the
edge of my boot.
Something had moved, I was sure.
There it was again! This time a few leaves rustled, more than mere chance could
move. Sensing something was wrong I quickly forgot about the leech and drew my
blade up. There was a large boulder by the side of the trail that I eased over
to, glad for the protection from the rear that it afforded me. I waited, -
tense and expectant. The stillness was awesome.
The fog and mist seemed to form
weird shapes writhing and twisting through the dense foliage. Suddenly, from in
front of us, a raucous scream pierced the air. Another followed from the right
of me. The ghostly quality of the mist and the unreality of the situation had a
nightmarish tinge.
My spine was tingling in high gear
now. I gripped my dauntless more firmly. About 20 feet away,
somewhat in front of my rock was the clump of rhododendron where the first
scream broke the stillness. This time it seemed as though it was behind me.
I emerged from the rock to face
the unknown and a hideous face thrust apart the wildly thrashing leaves and
gaped at me. I shall not long forget the faces. Grayish skin, beetle black
eyebrows, a mouth that seemed to extend from ear to ear and long yellowish
teeth were nerve shattering enough. But those eyes, beady, yellow eyes that
stared at me with obvious demoniacal cunning and anger. That face!
Weird ideas were beginning to
force their way into mind. Perhaps, but no, damn it, it has to be! This was the
abominable snowman!
A chill sent gooseflesh along my
back. The thought of these creatures had often been in my mind when we had
trekked over the snows and high places. No European or American had ever proved
the existence of the snowmen, although the natives certainly believed in them. No,
I insisted to myself, there is no such creature as an abominable snowman or yeti.
This face has to be an ape, or a man, or a demon,. . . .- Or the snowman!!
A hand pushed through the leaves.
Then a quick movement and a shoulder. There before me, appeared the semblance
of a body.
As the creature emerged through
the dark leaves, I prepared for a fight.
The creature was about ten feet
tall, half crouching on two shaggy legs, leering at us in undisguised fury.
Claws, or hands, seemed dark perhaps black, while his bedraggled shaggy body
was gray and thin. It shuffled along with a stoop the way a Neolithic cave man
might have walked. Well built and sinewy, it could prove to be the most
formidable opponent. Teeth bared, it snarled like an animal. Two long fangs
protruded from its upper lip. Truthfully, I was more concerned with survival
than identification. The band of animals was certainly aggressive, giving every
indication that they meant to destroy me. But I couldn't help thinking about
the creatures themselves. As to prepare for the battle of my life, I slowly
removed my outer layers down to my Shagmaster.
An uncanny and eerie silence
pervaded the air. What was happening? The
beast moved towards me now with his head in held low placing his hand out
almost asking for forgiveness. All the
creatures in the background now knelled before me. I outstretched my arm and the beast softly
gripped my forearm then quickly roared and all the creature crashed into rocks and
quickly retreated into the mist.
What was it that I saw? Why did
they retreat? Perhaps…No…maybe. I stood
looking down at my shaggy arm.
One thing is certain. Whatever science
will some day discover it to be, the creature humankind has called the
abominable snowman is there in the Himalayan heights.
I know. I met it there on the pilgrim trail from Tarke Ghyang and they fear The
ShagMaster.
The Shag Master Spirit
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Tales of the Shag
“I got this superb garment in the mail
today. I could tell right away that there was something different about
it--perhaps the chorus of Angels singing as a lone ray of light from heaven shone
brilliantly upon this coat, while I was indoors. Yes, its powers are that
potent.
Not wanting to wait a moment more, I ripped off my old Columbia jacket with a barbaric YAWP that must've been heard many, many feet away. I pulled on Shag Master and providence moved.
I was no longer the same person. I mean, I was me, but so much more! It was as if Chewbacca himself melded powers with me. I was no longer just sexy. I was sexy AND a Battle Hardened Wookiee. I was and am now an official Rebel Fighter!
PROS:
* Quality-made: it fits just like it should, and although I'm not certain, I'm pretty sure that I'm now bullet-proof.
* The Shagness is mesmerizing. When I walk into a room, everyone's gaze is drawn to my bosom and I'm not even a chick!
*I've only had it for a few hours, and I've already had several people pay homage to my greatness by randomly giving me money and asking me to date their daughters (men, too...that's a bit creepy, but whatevs).
CONS:
* I inexplicably start every sentence with the words, " RRRAARRWHHGWWR." Weird.
* I'm married, and well, the women are insane over my now over-the-top masculinity. I have to keep telling them that this fine specimen of man is taken. Over and over again. Ugh."
Not wanting to wait a moment more, I ripped off my old Columbia jacket with a barbaric YAWP that must've been heard many, many feet away. I pulled on Shag Master and providence moved.
I was no longer the same person. I mean, I was me, but so much more! It was as if Chewbacca himself melded powers with me. I was no longer just sexy. I was sexy AND a Battle Hardened Wookiee. I was and am now an official Rebel Fighter!
PROS:
* Quality-made: it fits just like it should, and although I'm not certain, I'm pretty sure that I'm now bullet-proof.
* The Shagness is mesmerizing. When I walk into a room, everyone's gaze is drawn to my bosom and I'm not even a chick!
*I've only had it for a few hours, and I've already had several people pay homage to my greatness by randomly giving me money and asking me to date their daughters (men, too...that's a bit creepy, but whatevs).
CONS:
* I inexplicably start every sentence with the words, " RRRAARRWHHGWWR." Weird.
* I'm married, and well, the women are insane over my now over-the-top masculinity. I have to keep telling them that this fine specimen of man is taken. Over and over again. Ugh."
Monday, December 22, 2014
The Shag Master Spirit
First of all I'm just a regular guy. I've got a dead end
job, wife, and kid. Nothing too unusual.
Most of my income went to the good life
for my family but one day I decided to take some hard earned dough and upgrade.
Bigtime. When I got my first Shag Master, I knew my life had changed, but I
didn't know how much.
When I put it on, the effect was immediate. 73% furrier that I ever was before. It was like wearing a V8 worth of engine in a 4 banger package. The vibrations alone were almost enough to throw me off my stride. All at once I could feel the nobility of the Shag Master spirit. The rippling of my well-endowed man curves apparently set the shag to almost a hypnotic rustling. I was being approach by men, women, stray dogs, and junkies alike to what type of magic I was wearing. I described to them the Shag Master in the only way that I could:
When I put it on, the effect was immediate. 73% furrier that I ever was before. It was like wearing a V8 worth of engine in a 4 banger package. The vibrations alone were almost enough to throw me off my stride. All at once I could feel the nobility of the Shag Master spirit. The rippling of my well-endowed man curves apparently set the shag to almost a hypnotic rustling. I was being approach by men, women, stray dogs, and junkies alike to what type of magic I was wearing. I described to them the Shag Master in the only way that I could:
This made in the USA Furry Beast was inspired by the earliest generations of mythical beast that ruled the mountain ranges of the world. The Shag Master is a unique coat of armor that continues to elude the masses. With its distinctive shaggy appearance and appropriately mischievous name, this jacket redefines the definition of bringing sexy back. This jacket brought sexy back, returned it, then brought it back again just to make a point. It'll be your go-to outer skin when decompressing after a long day in front of your two story fire, sharing stories of the yeti you befriended and the snow leopards frolicked with in the snows of Tibet or fighting the zombie apocalypse. I tell you Junkies you must give in to the fuzziness and unleash your beast. A true Junkie BECOMES the Shag Master, its fibers weaving their way into your soul to say, “We’re here, we're warm, and we own you.”
Designed as a man beast jacket, the
Shag Master is made from Polartec® Thermal Pro® High Loft. This super soft
fabric minimizes heat loss when you’re at a stand-still or let’s air pass
through to keep you cool when you’re on a vision quest. The optimal
warmth-to-weight ratio provides unrivaled compressibility for those times you
have big plans but little space. Integrated thumb holes provide partial hand
coverage, while reinforced elbows strengthen the Shag's ability to increase
your healing factor.
The Shag Master features an active
fit to reduce unleashing your man curves to the world, but the cut ensures
there is enough room to move. The natural softness of the Shag is enhanced by
tears of unicorns. Caution, updated media ports have been known to raise the
dead.
Attention Junkies, Please accept the blessings of the Shag Master spirit and Join the Brotherhood of the Shaggy Elite.
#TeamShagMaster
“Does it come in Red?” –Santa Claus
“I’m your Huckleberry if you are willing to partake in
a trade for that daisy of a coat” –Doc Holiday
“I shot first because he had a shag master”
- Han Solo
“Would you take my invisibility cloak as trade
fodder for the Shag?” –Harry Potter
“Forget the cowbell, I need more shag”
–Bruce Dickenson
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