Tales of the Shag

“I got this superb garment in the mail today. I could tell right away that there was something different about it--perhaps the chorus of Angels singing as a lone ray of light from heaven shone brilliantly upon this coat, while I was indoors. Yes, its powers are that potent.

Not wanting to wait a moment more, I ripped off my old Columbia jacket with a barbaric YAWP that must've been heard many, many feet away. I pulled on Shag Master and providence moved.

I was no longer the same person. I mean, I was me, but so much more! It was as if Chewbacca himself melded powers with me. I was no longer just sexy. I was sexy AND a Battle Hardened Wookiee.  I was and am now an official Rebel Fighter!

PROS:

* Quality-made: it fits just like it should, and although I'm not certain, I'm pretty sure that I'm now bullet-proof.
* The Shagness is mesmerizing. When I walk into a room, everyone's gaze is drawn to my bosom and I'm not even a chick!
*I've only had it for a few hours, and I've already had several people pay homage to my greatness by randomly giving me money and asking me to date their daughters (men, too...that's a bit creepy, but whatevs).

CONS:

* I inexplicably start every sentence with the words, " RRRAARRWHHGWWR." Weird.
* I'm married, and well, the women are insane over my now over-the-top masculinity. I have to keep telling them that this fine specimen of man is taken. Over and over again. Ugh."

The Shag Master Spirit

First of all I'm just a regular guy. I've got a dead end job, wife, and kid.  Nothing too unusual.   Most of my income went to the good life for my family but one day I decided to take some hard earned dough and upgrade. Bigtime. When I got my first Shag Master, I knew my life had changed, but I didn't know how much.

When I put it on, the effect was immediate. 73% furrier that I ever was before. It was like wearing a V8 worth of engine in a 4 banger package.   The vibrations alone were almost enough to throw me off my stride.   All at once I could feel the nobility of the Shag Master spirit.  The rippling of my well-endowed man curves apparently set the shag to almost a hypnotic rustling.  I was being approach by men, women, stray dogs, and junkies alike to what type of magic I was wearing.  I described to them the Shag Master in the only way that I could:

This made in the USA Furry Beast was inspired by the earliest generations of mythical beast that ruled the mountain ranges of the world.  The Shag Master is a unique coat of armor that continues to elude the masses. With its distinctive shaggy appearance and appropriately mischievous name, this jacket redefines the definition of bringing sexy back. This jacket brought sexy back, returned it, then brought it back again just to make a point.  It'll be your go-to outer skin when decompressing after a long day in front of your two story fire, sharing stories of the yeti you befriended and the snow leopards frolicked with in the snows of Tibet or fighting the zombie apocalypse. I tell you Junkies you must give in to the fuzziness and unleash your beast.  A true Junkie BECOMES the Shag Master, its fibers weaving their way into your soul to say, “We’re here, we're warm, and we own you.”

Designed as a man beast jacket, the Shag Master is made from Polartec® Thermal Pro® High Loft. This super soft fabric minimizes heat loss when you’re at a stand-still or let’s air pass through to keep you cool when you’re on a vision quest. The optimal warmth-to-weight ratio provides unrivaled compressibility for those times you have big plans but little space. Integrated thumb holes provide partial hand coverage, while reinforced elbows strengthen the Shag's ability to increase your healing factor.  

The Shag Master features an active fit to reduce unleashing your man curves to the world, but the cut ensures there is enough room to move. The natural softness of the Shag is enhanced by tears of unicorns. Caution, updated media ports have been known to raise the dead.

Attention Junkies, Please accept the blessings of the Shag Master spirit and Join the Brotherhood of the Shaggy Elite.

#TeamShagMaster

“Does it come in Red?” –Santa Claus

“I’m your Huckleberry if you are willing to partake in a trade for that daisy of a coat” –Doc Holiday

“I shot first because he had a shag master” - Han Solo

 “Would you take my invisibility cloak as trade fodder for the Shag?” –Harry Potter

“Forget the cowbell, I need more shag” –Bruce Dickenson